Drama, Drama, Drama

I just need to rant a little bit, and i am going to change the names just because i want to protect their identities.

  You seriously can't trust some people that are suppose to be close to and are able to tell them important. Just as the saying is some woman aren't meant to be mothers, and i never thought i would know i person like that. Well was i wrong, my close friend let call her *L, well she has no stable house or life for a child she has. That at 17/18 yr old has no right mind trying to have a baby if they aren't in a stable home and relationship, married or not married. Now i am really close with this family, and *L defiantly causes trouble for me, my friends *J & *S( not using their names either because of legal matters) and then having a premature baby that may or may not be feed right, changed right or even cared for when crying, at least some what to my experience ( please don't tell me i should do something about it, The law is involved in it all ready) I try my damnedest when i am around him seeing as he is my god son to take care of him which isn't easy when  his mother contradicts everything and experienced parents and babysitter know. That is just frustrating, just all the arguing and running and lying on everyone's part.


 you would think with this being a rant it would be longer, but i can't give much detail with out someone recognizing this, just more fights and drama that i don't want or need.

Almost 2 years later

Its been almost 2 years since i got pregnant the first time, and almost 2 years since i lost that pregnancy. I still think about every day, and i write to them about once or twice every few months. It still hurts, and its really hard to talk about it or tell people that don't already know, especially when trying to start a relationship.

I know i'm not the only one but i afraid to be pregnant again, especially after having a few "possibly pregnant" scares, and that with being smart about what i do. But i'm so afraid that if i do fall pregnant again that i'll just miscarry again. I know this is all over the place, but for me this has been rough I've went through it alone, and pretty much still am.

 Sorry this is so short, but its painful.

Another update: Life Update

Since the last time i updated on here I've had a lot going on, February to May 2012 not a lot happened i fought with my ex boyfriend that was also the father of the babies i lost. June 2012 i thought i had a great thing going on, I started talking to a great guy, then just before my 20th birthday we started to date. Judge me if you want but i drank, and smoked, never got pregnant and didn't try to prevent it, this is stupid of my but after dating 3 months he  asked me to marry him and i said yes, it took him a month but he also asked my father for my hand in marriage. i think it was maybe 2 weeks later, i get a text message from him after not seeing him all weekend saying i got a job and I'm moving, Of course i asked what about me & this next part broke my heart, he told me that he was going to better his life and i should to and maybe one day we can hook up again. that was in November, from that point till now I've been hanging out with a really awesome guy that i have a crush on, and he knows it he has helped me with this break up i was going through. Maybe more to come on that one.

*~Sorry I don't want give out names or a whole lot of detail.

Weightloss update

Well weight loss  has been a slow going process as expected. Haven't been very strict on it either. Not nowhere close to where i want to be but in total i have lost 31 pounds.

Through two pregnancies and miscarriages I am beginning to be happy with my body. In the pink shirt is the most recent like in January of 2013, the others are from the past 2 years. Not much to say with this update just short sweet and to the point.

UPDATE: Steven Kraft still missing, 11 years later

UPDATE: Steven Kraft still missing, 11 years later


Please if you have seen him, or know anything it would mean the world to his friends and family.

Happy Valentines day!

Today has been anything but easy for me, So may of last year i made some stupid choice, was starting birth control. I didn't know i was pregnant till i had lost the baby completely, Middle of June around my birthday i lightly bleed for about a week and a half maybe two weeks and than stopped bleeding, i never thought anything about it, June 25th i went to a birthday party that was for me and my 2 siblings born on or around the same day, i enjoyed myself. That night at my sister place i started having bad cramping but no bleeding, that is the only time pregnancy crossed my mind. I carried on about my business as usual though, But June 30th very late at night technically it was July 1st, I passed the majority of the tissue than and only bleed a few days after, but from what i seen that pregnancy was gone, I was 7 weeks almost 8 weeks, and pretty sure i lost the baby at 6 weeks. Back to why today hasn't been easy for me, well it is because this was my estimated due date, In my mind i believe that angel was a little girl, and i will always think that. She is my angel that is looking over right next to her sister Teagan. Been a painful day but i try to look ahead knowing I'll see her again one day. I know i didn't write very much, but there isn't much to say. 


So Happy Valentines Day! everyone

More old and current weight loss pictures

I'm know where near what weight i want to be, it is slow progress but at least there is progress

Offical first weight lose blog of 2012

So right now not very much to update on yet, i did find out about how much i weigh and i am super embarrassed by it.

Happy New Year!

So made it to 2012, And oh boy I've been reflecting on 2011 and everything i went through, More than i realize or at least that's the way it feels but I'll go into that later. I've made a few new year resolutions that i know i can stick to. So here they are

• Lose 150 pounds
• stay positive and happy

• Get a drivers license -_-   

And on that note, since being pregnant back in may when i knew my weight i have lost weight, not sure how much since my last pregnancy so i can't tell you on that part.

 Reflecting on 2011  

   So i guess I'll dive right in, January and February were uneventful last year, March i got back with on of my ex boyfriends (big mistake, He's a sex addict)got pregnant the first time in march and i kind of knew and test it was positive(sorry no picture i deleted it soon after) and i didn't tell him, I kept my party life style up cause i didn't believe it, I lost the baby in April I was only a few weeks along. In may i went and got on birth control, and yet again i got back with the same ex -_- very stupid i know, and guess what... I got pregnant again, did not know so of course i kept partying( just drinking beer, I actually had morning sickness around my birthday beginning of summer but i thought it was from drinking cheap vodka,at the time i would have been 6 1/2 weeks pregnant but again i didn't know, I spotted for a week to 2 weeks lightly but i thought that was that months cycle just starting birth control, June 25th to about July 1 st i cramped really bad, and July first at about 8 weeks i lost baby, end of July i started talking to a childhood friend, and we ended up dating, for about 2 months and we broke up he moved on right away which hurt, my other ex ( would have been baby daddy) tried getting back with me and tried to get me to sleep with him. that has went on since end of September beginning of October till well actually now. December I asked my close friend's brother out, he said yes, than the next day we broke up and believe it or not it hurt. Yes i knew him before hand, But that situation is neither here nor there. So i guess that is all i am going to write so about not having any pictures right now, very busy holiday and a very full camera with a review for influnster.com so i will have that up here soon i hope.


If you have any advice, just want to talk or request a blog or review please leave a comment or message i will answer back.
 

Break ups, Stress and too much thinking

So i guess i say that a lot has changed for me since i lasted posted, My wonderful friend (I'll call him Aj)and i broke up but that was for the best after things have happen and currently i can't bring myself to text him. So yes i had a break up, and don't want to talk about it yet with many people.

  So lately I've been very, very stressed, depressed, and having a lot of anxiety attacks some caused by the break up, and yes if you haven't noticed that i actually kind of loved him so i am hurting, but also my mother has to have surgery, and I'm stuck living at home till I'm almost 21, But my old friends and my ex bf that would have been the father to my baby/babies checking in on me frequently. That's another thing that has been on my mind since almost everyone i know is pregnant is if i would have kept either of the pregnancies i would be due soon. Don't get me wrong I'm glad I'm not pregnant or a mommy just yet. 

  So I've also set the goal to lose 164 pounds within a year, I've noticed exercising and friendship bracelets. So i have plans on updating as i go. Any tips on losing extra weight would help.