Moving date changed

So as i stated before i have plans on moving out of my parents house. Well i thought it was going to be soon than it was, I still have plans on moving hopefully within the next few months. Meaning that I'm not moving in September :/ because they didn't get the apartment. Hopefully i can get him a ride down here so we can see each other, but other than that nothing important enough to blog about. Also look for make-up looks, that i will probably be posting later on to night. 

Every feel like your hearts ripped out

Yep, well that's pretty much all i felt all day, I guess depression does rear its ugly head at the worst times. So down to less than 2 weeks before i move, My last weekend in my home town is this weekend (august 26-28), and I've barely talked to my boyfriend these passed few days, yes i know its sound like i am a fricking young teen, but I'm not and i really care for him, that's what makes the days hard, lol. That's also why my heart feels like its been ripped out. So small updates till i move, because i'll probably be with out internet for a while. Short sweet, simply, and straight to the point.

Weightloss update

Okay, so i think this is my first one, but i'm in the process of shedding pounds, just and picture update to show. I haven't weighed or measured myself, i will once i absolutely have to by new clothes.

Moving!!!

Okay so I should be doing more blogs after I move. Little bit of a back story. I've lived and moved around with my parents for the last 19 years. So, as crazy as this sounds please do not judge. I'm moving in with my boyfriend though we just started dating, I knew him all through elementary school. My parents rule isn't working for me though, I'm an adult and i have a curfew because i still live with them. I admit i had it super easy, no rent, but an ass load of chores. I decided enough was enough that it is my time to start my life. My parents support me, but are super unhappy. Okay so this was just more of a rant, and update. But i'm moving and hopefully will have more blogs to come. Pictures will be up once i move. (still 2 or so weeks away)

Life does improve

So things have most defiantly have changed for me, Lately I had been feeling down, really really depressed ( i don't want to go into the details of that though). So I am going through my normal day, I'm on facebook of course and i got what i consider to a random IM because well me and this person hadn't talked in over several year, But anyway we did the awkward hello and he told me he had a crush on me back in elementary school, which surprised me because in elementary i had super low self esteem, and i didn't think i was beautiful. so we continue to talk for a few a days ( i know this is going to sound like we rushed but,) after 4 or 5 days of talking an catching up with each other, he told me he still had a crush on me, and oddly enough i admit i was starting to have a crush on him, On my fathers birthday (Aug. 1st,2011) he asked me to be his. Since then my depression is slowly going away, Old thoughts i had are going away. He just makes me so happy, he gives me feeling that I've never had before but only time will tell. 

Life now, pregnancy and miscarriage, Parents and a horror flim

The past few months for me have been very eventful, I still live with my parents and it has been very stressful, Job hunting to get out of here is not going well on top of other things. I just got out of a odd/bad relationship, and very happy about.

Okay to start off i got pregnant back in march of this year and lost that pregnancy in April i know why too, I partied with my best friend and boyfriend and got overly buzzed ( yes i know i am under age, but my life my choice sorry). Then this past may i got pregnant again after being on birth control, well just start and the doctor i that gave the pills to me said after a week if anything were to happen i should not get pregnant. Yes, i made a stupid move with my now ex-boyfriend, and slept together without a condom. I got pregnant and had suspected it for about a month before i was sure i was pregnant, July 1st i miscarried i still suspect i may be pregnant ( i hope not)

7 weeks

8 weeks

2 weeks after leaving school/ Dropping out

Okay, so technially it is only a week, but the week before i stayed home with my bestfriend because she was sick, that following tuesday we went to school and cleaned our now old locker, we broke the news to people that had got close to us, and we even made a few cry. Thats not the point, within the two weeks we've been out of school we've had many many appointments, and more to come. Deff, not the way i thought would be, never thought i would drop out..

Really, does life ever turn out or happen the way we thought it would?

Really short i know, i'm sorry..

Comment below: if you female -i may do a few make up- tutorials

MIA-Random update.

So here lately i've been missing in action, well i have a reasons for this, I'm in school is the major reason.. but also i'm settling into having a room mate. Which is working out right now, our bedroom is trashed, and there is a lot of fighting between me and my parents now. On top of all this me and my roomie have been going to a lot of choir events this past week. and more to come. Umm other things may rise up soon not sure but we will find out next month so blogs will be less and less until at least may.

Exams and being sick

So this a random blog.

This week was exam week at my school, which is okay because it means the begining of a new trimester.... but this past weekend end my friend came and stayed with me and she is SICK like has a cold and stomach flu... well no the less i have a serve cold now... which made exams that much more exhausting for me... and to make it worse she moves in Friday and is still sick... meaning you will have a lot more blogs from me because i am sick and don't have school till march 4th. Sorry this is super short but i wanna try to get one up everyday... especially since right now i actually feel some what okay...

self image troubles-"gotta be somebody"

 



yes i ramble a lot in this.. sorry


   some things just do not make sense to me. Yes, i am a bigger person but there is nothing i can do, i already do everything that i can to get rid of this weight but people that see me don't see that and they judge me. I don't get a chance to pretty much prove i am just like everyone else, just because i am "fat". Growing up i was picked on, I mean i was called every name you can think of, i was hurt by guys that i went to  school with and i was even jumped. I don't blame them for me being big i know its not their fault. Now i still get called names and i've made enemies, but i put a front on as that i don't care (most of the time i don't) but also i to some people i make myself seem mean. Some of my friends see  the soft side of me, My parents even put me down at time. So anytime i look in a mirror i don't see anything beautiful, i see a worthless, stupid, fat woman. Thats really hard for me,i never once have felt pretty or even beautiful people now and even when i was younger (90's) were and still are mean. i've heard some people in my school now even say that "fat" people don't need love and that they are better off  alone b/c  no guy will ever want them.

We do deserve a chance just remember that.